hearts beat loud
by SapphireOcean
Summary: Ryuko has a rough night and a small revelation. [Complete]


I got a tumblr request a while back to write about Mako listening to Ryuko's heartbeat and knew immediately i had to set it after episode 12, aka the episode when Ryumako went from to "gosh i really ship them" to "THEY'RE MY OTP AND I WOUL FOR THEM"  
title taken from the song (and movie) which i've just now decided is a Ryumako anthem. it's a good movie with gay girls and family feels, plz go watch it.

* * *

Everything is heat. Boiling, raw, volcanic intensity.

_Nui Harime must die. Nui… Honnouji…_

Everything is dark. She can't see. But that doesn't matter. She knows who her target is.

_Not only Nui. She'd been ready to kill_ everyone. _Even… even…_

"Ryuko-chan!"

An obstacle. Destroy.

"Stop! I'm gonna bring you back, Ryuko-chan!"

So small. Easy to kill.

There is nothing.

#####

The smell hits her first. Then she opens her eyes.

She feels so heavy-– and there's blood, blood everywhere, her own, Mako's…

"M-Mako?"

She doesn't have any clothes. She can't see her own skin from the blood. And Mako is limp on the ground, head twisted at an impossible angle.

"No. Oh no… what did I do?! _Mako!_"

"You lost control." Senketsu's voice, and suddenly she's clothed again, albeit in tatters. He voice is weak, fading further. "We lost control."

She feels nothing; no tears, no ache. Her heart must have stopped.

"I'm so sorry, Ryuko."

There, glinting in the sun, one half of the scissor blade. She stumbles toward it, grabs hold, and turns it toward herself.

She feels nothing.

#####

Ryuko opens her eyes.

The night-gray of the bedroom ceiling greets her. How many days and night have passed since… that incident? How long will it take to stop having that nightmare? At least she didn't wake in a panic this time. And her body doesn't hurt everywhere anymore. But she feels warmer than usual, and very heavy. And it's a little difficult to breathe.

She finally pulls her gaze down to find Mako, sprawled out on top of her, head on her chest.

"Um." She tries to whisper. "Ma–"

"I'm sorry I woke you, Ryuko-chan."

"You didn't." Cautiously, she puts a hand on Mako's back. "It's just–-"

"Ah, sorry!" Mako slips off and to Ryuko's side easily, then settles her chin on Ryuko's ribcage. "I was listening to your heart. I would've asked but I didn't want to wake you."

Ryuko blinks, tucks her abandoned hand behind her head. "My… heart?" Safety. That's what she felt upon waking. In the dark, too, she feels safe to look steadily at Mako. Somehow she's so bright in sunlight it hurts to look, sometimes.

Mako's looking right at her, eyes bright even in the low light. "I wanted to make sure you're still alive. When I had to… stop you… you could have died."

"Mako, I could have killed you. I-" _I have. over and over. I don't want to dream anymore._

"No!" She shakes her head, chin digging into Ryuko's ribs. "There was no way. I wouldn't let you kill me, but I definitely wasn't gonna let you die even if I had to."

Her mouth feels dry. "Please don't say things like that."

Mako makes an apologetic noise. She flings an arm over Ryuko's stomach. "We're both alive, though. That's the good part. But, Ryuko-chan, every night I've listened to your heart, just to be sure. I've been scared. B-B-Because, because I…"

A few tears land on her pajama top. Then a few more.

"Because Ryuko-chan is really important to me and you could have _died,_" she half-wails. Her head drops to Ryuko's stomach and she sobs.

She tries to say something, her name, anything, but instead a tiny noise pops out and then her throat aches and her eyes burn and she can't say anything because she'll definitely cry, and she can't make Mako feel worse.

So she lets her top get soaked with tears, and puts her arms around Mako maybe tighter than she should, and realizes how lucky she is to have Mako in her life, how grateful.

"I got your pajamas wet," Mako says eventually, when she's run out of crying power. She sniffs loudly. "I'm– I'm gonna get some tissues. Do you want to take your shirt off while I'm gone?"

Her face feels hot all of a sudden. "…Nah. S'ok."

Several honks later, Mako pads back into the room and flops back down on the bed. "Can I stay in yours tonight?"

"Sure." She's glad Mako's the one to ask.

"Can I listen to your heart a little more? I'll try not to squish you."

A smile's on her face before she even thinks about it. "Sure."

Mako beams, then settles her head onto Ryuko's chest, turning her left ear to the sound.

Ryuko is fighting off sleep, afraid to dream, when Mako whispers.

"Ryuko-chan's heartbeat is very interesting. Now it's just, ba-DUM, ba-DUM. But sometimes it goes, b-ba-DUM. Like a stutter. But…" She sighs; warmth whisks over Ryuko's skin even under her top. "When Ryuko-chan was so angry, and not Ryuko-chan, her heart was beating so fast-– DAduhduhduh DAduhduhduh. So fast I thought it might fail. Nobody's heart should beat that fast…"

When Mako meets her eyes this time, Ryuko almost wants to look away, her gaze is so intense. "But beating fast is okay sometimes too. After you knocked some sense into me, when I was Fight Club President, for a few days after that my heart beat faster when I looked at you sometimes."

Ryuko isn't sure she's ready for where the conversation is heading. Just when she decides to break eye contact, Mako does instead.

"I don't… know if that ever happens to you, with me…" When Mako looks back, her eyes are unsure, even bashful.

"W-Well–" _Several times. When you woke me up After. When you put your arms around me on my bike. When you–_ "Yeah. Yeah, it has." She swallows. "It is."

In a flash Mako's ear is on her chest again. "Oh, you're right! I'm so sorry, I'm making you nervous, I'll just–"

And she flops to the side, breathing in a way that sounds suspiciously like she's trying to quell anxiety.

Ryuko isn't anxious. Not in the slightest bit. Absolutely not.

"B-But you know," Ryuko says, over Mako's wheezes(?), "w-w-when I saw you in the stands before the match against Sanageyama, I didn't even r-realize but Senketsu felt me calm down. And, and he said, "so she's the key to get you to relax?" Face burning again, she huffs out a laugh. "He was way more right than any of us knew, I guess."

"Really?!" Mako's back to normal instantly, leaning in, eyes wide. "Then…" She bring up a hand, stares at it, clenches it into a fist. "Then I really was the only one who could save you!"

She feels like she could float off the bed from the wave of pure happiness crashing over her. "You really were, Mako. You really were."

"That settles it. You and I have to stick together. We won't be alone but we still have to stick together!"

_I could kiss her. I_ could- "Hey, I'm not going anywhere," she says with a laugh. "Are you?"

"Mm-mmm!"

"Good. …Do you need to take another listen before-"

Mako snores.

Ryuko grins so widely her cheeks hurt. Then she turns on her side toward Mako, adjust the covers, and closes her eyes.

She doesn't dream any more that night.

On subsequent nights, the nightmare returns, but every time it loses more of its power; she knows, now, that it will eventually disappear. And waking from it to Mako nestled securely against her side, clutching Ryuko's hand in both of her own, makes it even easier to bear.

(And in the end, Mako kisses her first.)


End file.
